Recently I had a viewer reach out to me and ask for help after listening to my Unicorn cord-cutting meditation on YouTube.

Here is this person’s experience, in their own words (shared with permission):

“I’m having a “Twin soul” connection problem. Mind, heart, passion… we’re attached everywhere. 


 “I literary saw a fine web of silvery strings from my mind, my heart, my everything. I stopped dead in the middle of the video.


 “I saw our intertwining interlocking fingers and we deeply desired to be in sacred/spiritual and physical sexual union.


 “It was a soul dance…Oh so precious… Most and utterly heavily beautiful! A burst of Colours and light… weightless we were elevated and slowly turned in a slow dance with each other, the colors and lights…. in midair as we became one. 


 “We’ve been together like that once, only spiritually. That was after all “real” life communication stopped. 


 “The love runs so deep.


 “I don’t know how or if I should cut what causes so much pain, but what is teaching me so much and so obviously Devine. We talk telepathically, soul to soul, heart to heart, via art and music.  But she won’t talk to me for real. 


That sexual PULL came 1st. So maybe that’s what must be cut or transformed so that she and I can have a pure mutually beneficial spiritual connection. 


 “Oh what should I do !?! and, more precisely, HOW? What is going on!!! 

This person isn’t alone. I have seen more lightworkers than I can count caught up in this sort of situation – including yours truly.

And if you can resonate with this person’s experience – if you feel you have a twin flame who stops communicating, a twin flame who ignores you, a twin flame who acts like he doesn’t care, or any other painful twin flame experience, then stick with me.

In this blog, I’m going to share my understanding of:

  • What twin flame energies are (it may not be what you think)
  • What’s really going on when you have a “twin flame” type of relationship that is causing you pain
  • And the #1 thing you need to do to start to resolve the situation and prepare yourself to attract the kind of relationship you really want.

If you prefer, you can also watch this information on YouTube. However, this blog goes a little bit more in depth in places. So if you’re ready, let’s begin!


What Are Twin Flame Energies, Really?

First of all, let’s talk a little bit about twin flame energies and what they are. What I’ve come to believe both through personal experience and through Akashic guidance is that the twin flame is actually an energy, rather than a person.

To me, twin flame energy is the energy of masculine and feminine coming together. It’s this energy of creation, the creative life force, Divine Union.  And first and foremost it happens within.

Every one of us has both masculine and feminine energy within us. And because of our culture and our upbringing and the level of consciousness on the planet generally, these tend to not work very harmoniously together.

So part of the big work of awakening is to learn to identify the masculine and the feminine within and to discern what is actually divine in your masculine and feminine (as well as the dark or toxic aspects of these energies). Then, once you’ve identified or discerned where the actual divinity is in your masculine and feminine to bring those two energies together and have them work harmoniously.

It’s a big, big work.

And this to me is first and foremost for anybody who’s seeking or believes that they’re in any kind of a twin flame union. The first work is to reunite those two energies within yourself.


Twin Flame: Creating Heaven on Earth

So the twin flame energy is an energy of unification within oneself, and therefore it also connects with Christos energy. The whole, unified self, the higher self embodied, a precursor to Heaven on Earth.

  • As individuals, we bring the masculine and feminine together within ourselves for the purpose of creating something wonderful: our inner purpose.
  • Once we’ve achieved a certain level of divine unification within, then we are able to come into union with another individual who has also attained that kind of union.

And out of that comes an incredible amount of creative power combined in shared purpose for creating more beauty, more joy, more love, more harmony on the earth.

This happens on a spiritual level. It can also happen on a material level, at least in part relating to the financial or material ends of things. So many of us are here, at least in part, to overcome poverty consciousness.


Uniting the 144,000

Before we move on to painful twin flame relationships, I want to address the number 144,000. Central to the twin flame mythos is that there are 144,000 twin flame individuals who are supposed to find each other and then help to bring the world out of the darkness.

There’s an ancient system of assigning meaning to alpha-numeric values. The number 144 translates (amongst other things) to Light; take that 144 and multiply it by 1,000 and you get 144,000: super, super amplified light.

Furthermore, the digits 1, 4, and 4 add up to Nine. This is this number of completion. It’s also a number associated with Christ.

With that in mind, a person who resonates with the number 144,000 is going to have that twin flame energy – and that will be a person who has the potential to achieve a certain degree of Christ consciousness and ascend to a 5D state of inner unity in this lifetime—as well as incredible creative power to change the world.


Twin Flame – The Power of Mythos

An image of twin flame women with flaming red hair

Here’s where my understanding of twin flame energies really differs from that of a lot of people: My feeling is that it’s all allegorical.  And I don’t personally believe that there’s one particular individual that you’re going to connect with who is destined to be your other half.

I just feel that you find that “twin flame” union within yourself. And when you’re ready, you may connect with somebody else who has also reached that state of inner union, and then you can both bring that energy into a twin flame partnership – i.e. a relationship that carries the twin flame energy. This will be a relationship of shared purpose where you combine your unified energies towards a combined higher purpose—so you can imagine the potential such a partnership could have in creating positive change in the world.

So does that mean you can have multiple twin flame relationships or experiences?

Personally, yes, I think so. Because again, it’s an energy of creative potential.

I believe that you can have a twin flame connection with a spirit being as well as a flesh and blood person and that it doesn’t have to be overtly sexual.

And honestly, I believe that ultimately, we are all each other’s twin flames. And that the more we are able to bring that higher, benevolent creative energy into play in all sorts of partnerships, the more effectively humanity will begin to create Paradise right here on earth.


So what is actually happening…

…when you’re feeling that intense twin flame connection and the other person isn’t feeling it, and/or doesn’t want to have anything to do with you?

There are a few possibilities.

  • One, they could be feeling it too and afraid.
  • Or perhaps there’s a different reason they’re not ready for that kind of relationship with you – maybe they are pursuing such a relationship with someone else, or their purpose may not be quite as aligned with yours as you might think.
  • Or, they’re not ready for a twin flame relationship at all.
  • Or maybe you are not ready for that relationship with them, and they sense it.
  • Or possibly, you yourself are not ready for a twin flame relationship with anyone outside yourself. (Yet!)

In other words, as real as it feels (especially when we’ve been reading all about twin flame unions online), if your and/or their inner masculine and feminine are not yet sufficiently unified, there’s going to be a disconnect somehow.

This may result in your experiencing intense sexual and/or romantic feelings that may involve both of you consciously, only one of you consciously and the other subconsciously…or just YOU intruding into their astral field. (Or, in some cases, it can actually be THEM intruding into YOUR astral field; we’ll talk about spells in a bit.)


Your Creative Power

Keep in mind that the sacral chakra is all tied up in this. The masculine and feminine, of course, are the two forces of creation and in the physical world, it happens through sexual union for the purpose of procreation. That’s an incredibly strong biophysical drive, which can get really triggered when you sense the creative potential between yourself and another person.

And then sometimes we can fixate on that person, especially if we believe that that person is or may be a twin flame. And especially if, when we start feeling these feelings, we rush to Google it and find all this romantic Internet drivel about intense, divinely guided twin flame connections.

Remember, we are amazing creators, right? What you think you will create.

And if your mind has been fixating on that person and thinking about them in terms of a twin flame, you can actually start creating all these amazing experiences through the power of your own creative energy.  I’ve experienced it myself – right down to unbelievable synchronicities, the whole nine yards.

Remember, everything that you experience externally is a mirror of what’s going on within you. And that includes twin flame stuff. So if you’re not actually ready for a twin flame union because you still have inner unification work to do, and instead you’re fixated on the OTHER person as your twin flame, it can feel VERY real, and it can also get very, very painful—because all that’s really happening is that you’re being taken on a very intense side trip that’s diverting you from your higher path.

So if you’ve been in a painful “twin flame” relationship, you need to decide:


Is this going to be something that you just hold onto and live with? And how is it affecting your actual life?

Abstract watercolor painting of kundalini snake Please understand that I’m not here to discredit anybody’s experiences. I think these experiences are as real as anything else, and they can actually be incredible learning experiences. But you have to really, really understand that the other person may or may be experiencing anything like the connection you feel, and in fact, may not even have a clue.

Here’s one thing to keep in mind: the sexual drive connected with falling in love is a very, VERY potent energy. And historically it’s considered dangerous energy.

It’s a sort of love-struck crazy madness which I don’t think has anything to do with being a twin flame.

Take the archetype of Cupid, for example. We think of Cupid as this cute little cherub that shows up on valentines. But actually, in ancient Greek myths, he was kind of nasty. He’d go and shoot arrows into people’s hearts for fun to have them fall head over heels in love. And they’d fall into all sorts of terrible situations because of it.

Poets have written about this for millennia. You hear about this kind of thing throughout history, with no mention of twin flames.

And then there’s the idea of love spells. I believe there really is such a thing. You can literally fall under a spell and fall head over heels in love with a particular person. This could be triggered by past life relationships with certain people, or by other people’s conscious or unconscious intent to control you. The ability to do this may carry over from past lives, especially if the person has held positions of power or guru roles in certain traditions. It’s not always benevolent, and it can feel 1000% percent like really being in love – except that it’s painful and tortuous and may not go away without doing the spiritual work to clear it.

Yes, there may be twin flame potential there between you. But if that other person won’t talk to you, won’t acknowledge you have no clue that you were feeling this and doesn’t feel it on their end, you know, consider the possibility that there is something like that happening.


The Way of Nature

Because honestly, a real twin flame relationship is not painful.

Think of it this way.

In nature when a female animal comes into heat and she’s ready, she’ll effortlessly attract the right mate.  Or when the male animal is ready, he will know and just sense where to find the female, but it’s not going to happen until he’s ready or until she’s ready.

This is the way of nature. Effortless.

Of course, there’s the phenomenon of falling in love. And that’s a natural thing. Animals have to feel that kind of incredible intense attraction because otherwise they might just either ignore each other or eat each other.

So it’s built into the physiological experience of love. That’s why when we first meet somebody it can feel like we’re on this roller coaster. It can be intensely pleasurable to be on that love roller coaster, it’s supposed to be, but it can also feel intense and scary at times.

That’s normal, but if you’re feeling intense misery or anxiety, that’s not a real twin flame feeling.

imagine if you were stuck on that rollercoaster for a year, for three years, for five years. It would be intensely painful and horrible, don’t you think?

What happens in a real twin flame relationship., when you have one that works, is that you settle into this beautiful dance together. It’s smooth and it’s gentle and it feels both exhilarating and easy, like an elegant ballroom waltz.

So if you don’t settle into this beautiful feeling of smooth, beautiful harmonious dance, and it still feels like a roller coaster after six months or a year or five years, it’s time to reconsider this relationship.

A silhouette of people on a roller coaster

Like a roller coaster, a painful twin flame relationship can feel exhilarating at first – until you realize you can’t get off


If you’ve been on that exquisitely painful roller coaster ride for a long time,  it can be a real energy suck.

The shadow side of the Christ (sovereign unity or embodied love consciousness) is narcissism; the shadow side of romantic love is romantic narcissism.

That doesn’t mean that the other person in a twin flame relationship that feels toxic is necessarily a narcissist. It just means that, just as in a narcissistic relationship, you may have fallen into a kind of codependency. This is actually quite common as we collectively work through narcissistic patterning issues, and many lightworkers are here at this time to clear these energies.

It’s no coincidence that narcissistic romantic love is often symbolized by the vampire. A twin flame connection can become a situation where you’re feeling incredibly entangled and attached to the other person in a way that sucks you in so that you lose yourself in obsession.

Let it continue, and it will suck the life force out of you. This can manifest as mental instability, depression, poor health, poverty or financial “bleeding”, etc. It’s diverting your life force energy, your creative energy into fretting about the twin flame relationship.

Is this what you want to be putting your energy into, or would you prefer to bring your energy back, come back into yourself, find that wholeness within yourself, find that love, that peace, that joy within yourself? That’s what a  legitimate twin flame union feels like, and enhances in you.


So how do you start to disentangle from a twin flame attachment that’s not serving you?

First of all, it comes down to self-love. Part of balancing these energies within yourself is coming to a place of divine love for yourself, and feeling that unconditional love both from divine mother and divine father.

Once you get to that point of balance and harmony, that’s what being a twin flame is really about. It’s about balance and harmony and love and pleasure and joy and experiencing heaven on earth. And feeling your worthiness!  You deserve love, you deserve joy, you deserve abundance, because you have a part to play in bringing Heaven to Earth, and your happiness is part of that!

  • So the first thing to do is to actually acknowledge that this is a painful relationship. “ I’m not having fun anymore.”
  • And to also acknowledge, “I can’t let go of this.”
  • And if these two things are indeed true for you, the next first thing is to be willing to let go.

That may just be your first step, but it is a tremendous one: to learn to love yourself enough to be willing to even attempt the work of letting go, because the feelings this kind of relationship generates can be so, so, so intense that there may easily be a part of you that doesn’t want to ever let go. Like the person wrote, “I don’t know how, or if I should cut what causes so much pain, but what is…so obviously divine”.

That’s the rub – even a painful, twisted twin flame relationship really CAN feel divine. And there IS a divine part of it. But if it’s gotten painful, it’s gotten hijacked somehow. And the only way out is through self-love.

Once you’ve come to a place of true self-love and unity within yourself, if the relationship is truly for you, it will smooth out and become beautiful. And if not, you’ll find the strength and power to end it and open yourself to receive something far better than you could ever have imagined.

That’s a promise.